I am sorry. Lately I haven’t been the person you’ve known for the past few years. My behaviour has changed a lot and I can feel, when you look at me, that you are drifting away from me. I never wanted to push you away, but I couldn’t have hurt you by staying close, so I chose the other way around. It’s gonna be difficult for you to understand, but, believe me, it’s even more difficult for me to explain all this, as even I fail to understand myself. I don’t remember when it began, but the last two months, particularly, have been really difficult for me.
I get frustrated and annoyed with people for absolutely no reason. My mood changes on a moment to moment basis and even though I want to, I can’t control how I feel. I may appear normal from outside, but the air around suffocates me. My mind, like an endless spiral, always brings me back to the same black spot. I don’t feel okay around voices and noises. I wish to be left alone, but my shattered world begins to fall apart when I am alone. I look in the mirror and I start crying and I cry a lot.
You did ask what’s bothering me, mate it is ME who is bothering me. At times I breathe consciously to move my cage a little and feel my heart beat. I am alive but I feel dead from inside. It is like feeling everything, yet nothing at the same moment.
Too much light turns into darkness, remember? I guess, I too have lost the sight of light. The gleam of hope is disappearing now and It’s becoming difficult to drag myself through this, every day. Anyway. I Hope to see you soon.
This letter is my way of understanding and making people understand what a person going through some mental struggle might be feeling. To be specific, I’ve taken reference from the symptoms of Depression.
What i want to say is, you never know what someone’s going through. So be kind to everyone. And most importantly, to yourself.