Depression: A mental health disorder characterised by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.
Symptoms include– Social isolation, Behavioral changes, Lack of energy and concentration power, Excessive crying, Feelings of emptiness, Worthlessness and hopelessness, Overthinking, insomnia and it can also be associated with thoughts of suicide.
Treatment- The mainstay of treatment is usually medication, talk therapy or a combination of the two.
I am sorry. Lately I haven’t been the person you’ve known for the past few years. My behaviour has changed a lot and I can feel, when you look at me, that you are drifting away from me. I never wanted to push you away, but I couldn’t have hurt you by staying close, so I chose the other way around. It’s gonna be difficult for you to understand, but, believe me, it’s even more difficult for me to explain this as even I fail to understand myself. Amidst the darkness surrounding me, I don’t want to lose you as I lost me.
I can’t remember when it began, but the last three months, particularly, have been really difficult for me.
I may appear normal from outside, but the air around suffocates me. I get frustrated and annoyed with people for absolutely no reason. My mood changes on a moment to moment basis and even if I want to, I can’t control these emotions rather they seem to control me. The smallest of chores seem like an insurmountable mountain because my mind, like an endless spiral, always brings me back to the same black spot.
I don’t feel okay around voices and noises. I wish to be left alone, but my shattered world begins to fall apart when I am alone. I look in the mirror and without any apparent reason, I start crying and I cry a lot. You did ask what’s bothering me, buddy it is me who is bothering me. I am not sad, tired, or exhausted rather I feel paralyzingly numb. At times I breathe consciously to feel my heart beat and move my cage a little. I am alive but I feel dead from inside. The void in me keeps expanding on its own, It is like feeling everything, yet nothing at the same moment.
You know, Often the ceiling becomes my residing space and I spend a lot of time, almost every night, in there. I love the way this fan hangs above- far away from all the chaos. I crave such peace, man. Too much light turns into darkness, remember? I too have lost the sight of light, my friend. The gleam of hope is disappearing now and It is becoming difficult to drag myself through this, every day. Anyway.
This letter is my way of understanding and making people understand what depression is. Did the letter help in understanding how a person dealing with depression feels? Your criticism, suggestion, or opinion is exactly what I need. I am waiting to hear from you in the comments section!