Peace and Chaos

Dear friend,

I am sorry. Lately I haven’t been the person you’ve known for the past few years. My behaviour has changed a lot and I can feel, when you look at me, that you are drifting away from me. I never wanted to push you away, but I couldn’t have hurt you by staying close, so I chose the other way around. It’s gonna be difficult for you to understand, but, believe me, it’s even more difficult for me to explain all this, as even I fail to understand myself. I don’t remember when it began, but the last two months, particularly, have been really difficult for me.

I get frustrated and annoyed with people for absolutely no reason. My mood changes on a moment to moment basis and even though I want to, I can’t control how I feel. I may appear normal from outside, but the air around suffocates me. My mind, like an endless spiral, always brings me back to the same black spot. I don’t feel okay around voices and noises. I wish to be left alone, but my shattered world begins to fall apart when I am alone. I look in the mirror and I start crying and I cry a lot. 

You did ask what’s bothering me, mate it is ME who is bothering me. At times I breathe consciously to move my cage a little and feel my heart beat. I am alive but I feel dead from inside. It is like feeling everything, yet nothing at the same moment.

Too much light turns into darkness, remember? I guess, I too have lost the sight of light. The gleam of hope is disappearing now and It’s becoming difficult to drag myself through this, every day. Anyway. I Hope to see you soon.

Take care,

Bye.


This letter is my way of understanding and making people understand what a person going through some mental struggle might be feeling. To be specific, I’ve taken reference from the symptoms of Depression.

What i want to say is, you never know what someone’s going through. So be kind to everyone. And most importantly, to yourself

Take care,

❀

34 Comments Add yours

  1. vampi300 says:

    This is so well written. You have captured the feelings perfectly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ayush says:

      Thank you so much! πŸ™‚

      Like

  2. Nawazish says:

    Very well written!!

    Like

  3. I can relate this. Gave me a goosebumps. Penned down beautifully! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ayush says:

      Thank you soo much! 😊🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Its actually a true tale. People who are in depression appear normal, with lots of turbulence in mind. I am happy to hear, that this is just a made up tale for all of us. But the way you have expressed it, let me tell you, its very deep and will help us understanding people around us in a better way. Have a good day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ayush says:

      Thank you soo much for reading and reviewing it. Take care πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for the raise and sharing
    Stay happy safe and healthy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ayush says:

      Thnks to you for reading… You too take care! 😊🌈

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Sonu Kaushik says:

    Hey ayush, it’s my first when i am seeing your blog. Your content is so Relateable . keep doing same.
    If you have some spare time plz check and follow my blog 😊
    http://unsaidwords175345018.wordpress.com/

    Like

  7. Simon says:

    It’s actually matches with depression feel, each person undergo this phase feels different, It’s a good try Ayush and most of the depressed people definitely go through all this, except few. Well done.. Add more points on how to overcome and what are all things to do to overcome such.. This kind of posts should not end like this. βœ¨πŸ‘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ayush says:

      Yeah I’ve tried only to cover the major symptoms. Sure. I’ve to write few more letters… That’s why ‘One’ in the title. Thank you for the review πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Simon says:

        That’s good Aayush ✨✍️ Keep up.. looking fwd to next part…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ayush says:

        Okay🌈

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Are you okayyyy? πŸ™€πŸ˜Ώ This letter gave me goosebumps. People going through quite literally go through hell every second! Thanks for making me understand their psychology.
    (If you are the person in this letter na, just beware, punches are coming your way. πŸ˜€πŸ‘Š)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ayush says:

      Yep. Haha tried to place myself in that place… Bachho pe haath ni uthate!!! 😢

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, thank God. I really hope you never get into this kind of situation. Talk to me if you ever feel depressed. I’ll try to ruin things even more. 🀠

        Also, mai uthaungi haath. Result aane do tumhara fir aaungi maarne. πŸ‘ŠπŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ayush says:

        Ohkay!
        BilkulπŸ˜‚βš‘

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Google told me it’s going to be out before 15th. I’m counting the days. πŸ˜’ Tick tick one, huh!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Ayush says:

        πŸ˜‚I’ll put the result here!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. 🀭 Fail mat hojaaana. 😈

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Ayush says:

        Nahi houngaπŸ˜’

        Like

      7. 🧐 Dekhte hain naa. Ab do teen din hi bache.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Oye! Tell me you didn’t fail or I’ll break your legs. πŸ˜€πŸ˜’πŸ‘Š

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Ayush says:

        94% aaye…

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Whaaaaattt!! πŸ₯Ί Oh my God! Congratulations. 😭❀️ Toppee nikle tum toh. I was expecting 75 something. Huh. Give me chocolates and party now. IIT me bhi select ho jaaoge itna achha percentage aaya hai. πŸ˜’ I’m jealousss.

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Ayush says:

        πŸ˜‚Aisa kuch ni hai… IIT and Cbse exams me 0 and infinity ka difference hai! I am still confused about my future. College admissions me bi itni uncertainty hai kuch samajh hi nahi aa raha + exams kab honge kaise honge kuch clear nahi hai… Internship kaisi chal rahi aapki?

        Liked by 1 person

      12. πŸ˜’ Don’t worry na. You’ll get the best college. I’m so sure about that. πŸ‘Š
        Meri Internship toh bohot badhiya. New new cheezein pata chal rahi, bohot saare wordpress plugins, keyword research ke tareeke, sales letter likhna, marketing etc. I even published three articles on his website today. 🀩 Maza aaraha hai but I get super tired. Doston se baat karne time hi nai hai zara bhi. Tumko hello bolne aagayi bas idhar. 😿 Kaise ho? Did relatives call on your result?

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Ayush says:

        Hope so🌻
        Omg kaafi busy😍
        Relatives ko personally result bhej diya mostly kisine call ni kiya then πŸ™‚
        Mai theek. Aap bataie?

        Liked by 1 person

      14. Oyyyye! How are you doing? πŸ™„ Yaar, I literally can’t find a balance between work and life. Din bhar chala jaata hai mera Internship me. Ek mahina complete hone wala parso. It’s really interesting and everything. But personal life hi nai bachi kuch. πŸ˜‚ I miss our nonsense comments so much. 😀 WordPress tak aane ka bhi nai mila time. Aur relatives call karte hain achha result aane pe. 93% pe toh ghar aa jana tha sabko. πŸ˜’

        Liked by 1 person

      15. Ayush says:

        I am not doing anything at all. Padhai bilkul nahi. Omg internship me bhi itna kaam karna hota? Abhi aap aur padhai kroge na? Baapre itna kuch😢

        Liked by 1 person

      16. Hello! Ye wali internship kaafi hectic thi, but I learnt so much. Abi khatam hogayi. πŸ˜€ I wanted to prsue PhD but ab mann nahi horaha. πŸ˜› Tum kya karte rehte ho? Do padhai naa. Admissions ka kya hua, I want to know everything. :/

        Liked by 1 person

      17. Ayush says:

        Aapne to kaam kar liya. Padhai around 2 months se ni kar rahe… Exams bi postpone hore ni hore next year kya hoga kuch samajh ni aa raha. Novels pdhe thode. And kuch chizo ke baare me search kie… Ab lag raha filhal college pe focus krna hi sahi rhegaπŸ˜…πŸ˜‚Aap ab kya karengi? Padhai? Kitna padhna padta hume😭

        Liked by 1 person

      18. Haha, yaar mera bhi same haal hai. There’s a debate going on if final year exams should be taken or not. Aur mai sab syllabus hi bhul gayi itne months me toh. 😐 I’m again looking for some work from home thing. Free baithna nai jamm raha aajkal. 🀣
        Ohhho! What novels have you read? And blogging kar rahe ho aajkal? I’ll come and read everything soon. 🧐 I’m not getting the himmat to finally come back here, but you better be regular on WordPress. Keep writing poems.
        Haaan, but college pata nahi kab open ho na, tab tak maze karo. 🀭 Girlfriend mili ya nahi koi?
        Mera naa studies ka mann nahi hai aage. But let’s see. Kuch toh kar hi lenge. Uncertainty hai abi har cheez me. πŸ˜ͺ

        Like

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